Celebrating Mom, 妈妈, 엄마
At home, she's my 엄마 and at other times, she's my Mom. If you're an Asian American or from an immigrant family, you'll relate to calling your mom by two names. Living between two cultures, our moms built a new life away from home, learned a new language, and raised kids that speak, think, and live differently. Yet we rarely ask them what it was like. This Mother's Day, we celebrate the experiences of three Asian moms who raised their kids in the US.
Tricia Kyong Chu
Tricia Kyong Chu moved to the US in 1980. She raised her two daughters in California and currently lives in Rancho Mirage, CA.
When have you felt a culture gap with your kids?
나는 내 딸을 위해서 말을하지만 딸은 참견한다고 합니다. 식당에 가서 먹을 때 나는 다 같이 나누어 먹고 싶은데 아이는 그냥 놔두라고 한다. 여러가지 상황이 많이 있지만 이야기할때도 있고, 그냥 넘어갈 때도 있다.
I say things to my daughter because I care and I want to help, but she says I'm interfering. When we’re eating out at a restaurant, I want all of us to share the food but she says to leave it. There are a lot of different situations. Sometimes we talk about it, sometimes I just let it go.
If you could go back in time and raise your kids all over again, what would you do differently?
한국말로 처음부터 키우고 싶다. 내가 이민자로 영어의 어려움을 겪어서 의도적으로 영어로 키웠는데, 그 결과, 확실히 나와 자녀들간의 의사소통이 제대로 통하지 않음을 실감한다.
I would raise them in Korean. I chose to raise them in English because I struggled with English as an immigrant. But as a result, I realize that there's a communication gap between me and my children.
Jun
Jun lived in Los Angeles, CA from 1993 to 2001 where she raised her daughter and son. Currently, she lives in Seoul, South Korea.
When have you felt a culture gap with your kids?
When my daughter started going out. I never dreamt of staying out so late as a teenager. Part of me wanted her to have fun and make memories with her friends but another part of me was reluctant and scared for her safety. We had many arguments about curfew but we learned to meet each other in the middle.
If you could go back in time and raise your kids all over again, what would you do differently?
When I was raising my kids, I was always nervous because we were foreigners. I didn’t want my kids to stand out for the wrong reasons so I was constantly striving for perfection. If I could go back in time, I would relax and just play with them. I wish I'd given them my full attention instead of worrying so much.
Lynn
Lynn immigrated from Taiwan in 1987 to join her husband and his family in the US. She lives in Los Angeles, CA where she raised her two daughters.
When have you felt a culture gap with your kids?
I've felt it in their fashion choices, lifestyle, and culture that I wasn't used to seeing in my family and even in the extended family. This includes showing more skin, dyeing hair, tattoos, even career paths. I am still not used to it but do my best to accept that the culture is different in the US.
If you could go back in time and raise your kids all over again, what would you do differently?
I would like to have gotten in the habit of hugging.